[1037]
I was anxiously awaiting a welcome letter from you: but my hopes were dashed: blessed be the Lord forever. I am certain that this silence is not due to any motive indicating a decrease in your affection for me. I am sure that I live in your memory, just as He, the Superior and all the members of the Institute (not forgetting my doorman) live and reign in my heart. I would have much to write about most interesting things: but since I have to deal with a matter that is important to me, I leave it all and will dwell on that.
[1038]
By the way, you will have received a note on the works published by the famous Abbot Migne. For the printing of sacred and ecclesiastical documents, the Migne press is the best in the world. After having established a contract with Fr Migne for the Chapter of Turin Cathedral, while visiting his huge Ateliers which are equipped with some 12,000,000 francs’ worth of trays of characters alone, I had the urge to supply our Institute with all the ecclesiastical works. I have thought over and studied the way to manage this plan: I discussed it with Fr Migne, and it seems to me that we are painlessly going to be able to acquire a beautiful and most useful library simply by the application of enough Mass intentions. Fr Migne would accept this form of payment, even if it means saying 50,000 Masses, and would give his whole library: it comes down to the fact that, for 2 thousand intentions, he would provide all the Patrology titles, which means all the Fathers: Greek, Latin, etc.
[1039]
Now the Superior has 30 applications a day which, for lack of offerings, are always for the Pope’s intentions. Could you not arrange things with the Old Man? Do not tell him you heard of this from me, because, as I am not in the Old Man’s good books, he might give an absolute no as an answer. Behave as though you had this from other sources: think, talk – and write to me.
[1040]
Now I’ll come to the point I want to deal with in this letter: it will seem strange to you, as it did tome. In all this I worship the plans of Providence, and bless Jesus who suffered innocently, while I am merely a poor sinner. His Eminence Cardinal Barnabò, writing to Mgr Massaia, Bishop of Cassia, declared that Comboni no longer belongs to Canon Mazza’s Institute in Verona. The Bishop was astonished; and so was I; since I did not think that things had got to such a point as to reach Rome, where I am currently negotiating most delicate and important business, and thus risk suffering unpleasant consequences. My dear Rector, there it is: the good old man, for reasons and purposes that are certainly good, for I shall always respect him, has let Rome know, directly or indirectly, that I no longer belong to the Mazza Institute.
[1041]
While I am always prepared to admit and confess to my unworthiness to belong to the Mazza Institute, I am most surprised by this event. According to what you, my dear Rector, have told me (since our venerable old man has never said a word to me about all this, neither face to face nor in writing), the first time I was informed that the Superior was displeased with me was last summer, when I was in Turin. In this absence of mine there were many discussions between the Rector and the Superior, and in accordance with your wise advice I wrote to the good old man, with the result that upon my return to Verona in September, when I spoke to the Superior he remained perfectly silent and his bitter annoyance with me did not show.
[1042]
At the beginning of September I went to Rome and stayed there two months. In this period the acrimony was renewed, the poor old man was displeased, there were discussions between the Rector and the Superior, I again made acts of duty and humiliation, and everything calmed down, and it seemed all settled. So when I returned to Verona, before going to Paris, I spoke several times with the Superior, I stayed with him alone; he did not demonstrate any annoyance, indeed he encouraged me in the African enterprise, and promised to pray and have prayers said for this. I leave Verona and come to France; and discord immediately flares up again; and without my being given any warning, without my being given time to defend myself, while I am far away, while I am in the midst of important business with Rome, with no legal discussion or trial, a letter is written to Rome saying that I no longer belong to the Mazza Institute. I don’t know what kind of procedure this is: passing a final sentence without letting the condemned man know anything about it! Blessed be the Lord a thousand times.
[1043]
I have noticed that I am attacked when I am far away and unable to defend myself. When I am close, it’s all peaceful smiles around me. The matter having been referred to Rome, I have many observations, my dear Rector; here is a sketch of what is going through my mind:
1. In the most critical of moments, when I need the greatest trust from Rome, with which I have most important business, Rome is written to and given to understand that I do not belong to the Institute, at the risk of demolishing my affairs and having everything aborted, jeopardising forever my reputation and my future!!!
[1044]
2. In Rome, in France, in Vienna, in Venice, in Bressanone, in Prussia, in Turin, in England, wherever I have intimate friendships and wherever the Plan for Africa has arrived, in which it is printed that I belong to the Mazza Institute, I am quite rationally thought to belong to the Mazza Institute. Cardinal Barnabò and the Pope (who read my plan from cover to cover) and everybody, seeing that in Rome it is said, by others and not by me, that I do not belong to the Institute, while my own silence leads to suppose that I do belong, all these distinguished persons on whom the matters concerning Africa which I am dealing with depend, are entitled to think that I am a liar, an impostor, a double-dealer…
[1045]
In fact my dear Mgr Massaia was dumbfounded when he read the Cardinal’s letter, and everyone has the right to mistrust me.
3. What effects will this fact have on the projects which in my lowliness I am making and negotiating for the good of Africa, and how will it harm me and my future? I do indeed recognise my inadequacy in negotiating the interests of God’s glory: but I had great courage, because the shade of the venerable Institute protected me in my weakness.
4. I shall have to justify myself in Rome: my conscience, the interests of the glory of God according to my plans for the poor Africans, as well as my amour propre because I am a miserable coward, force me to do this. What praise will redound on the Institute if, to justify myself, I am forced to reveal to Propaganda, perhaps to the Pope, and to all those concerned with the matter, the weaknesses of the Institute, of which we are all aware, and certain less admirable things about our dear Superior?
[1046]
However, this does not bother me too much, because I hope God will give me the grace to win the battle with myself, and be strong enough not to touch the Institute, but ever to praise it, as I have always done in Rome.
5. What tremendous shock does a heart which is not frigid, like mine, bound to the Institute and the Superior by bonds of affection and gratitude, suffer when it is cast out?… I submit to you, my dear Rector, these five initial reflections of which you will weigh up the consequences. Later I shall submit more to you.
[1047]
Steeped as I am in such concerns, I frankly confess that I am giving these matters very serious thought. Yet, I must also confess that my heart has never felt so tied to Jesus and Mary as it does now. In the terrible uncertainty I am now experiencing about the outcome of my plans and my future, I find an immense joy at being Catholic and a priest, and I can touch with my hand how infinitely good God is and how he never abandons those who put their trust in him. Now I do not know whether this is stupidity or strength given me by God. I do not feel the sadness of my situation, and in my heart I feel happy and safe. Oh, how good Jesus and Mary are!
[1048]
Nevertheless, what dumbfounds me is the fact that, while between the Superior and the members of the fundamental Institute I perceive no link which unites and binds the duties and the rights of the aforesaid members, here I see before my eyes a member of the fundamental Institute, attached to the house these 23 years, who without ever being given a hearing, without being judged as the Rule prescribes, against the opinion of the present Rector and of nearly all the members, while he is abroad and cannot defend himself, without being given any notice and told the slightest reason, in the most delicate and important of moments on which the success of everything he can do for the glory of God depends, just as it is specified in a publication that he belongs to the Mazza Institute: in those very circumstances, he is declared expelled from the Institute, and the news is even sent to Rome!!! What is happening to me today will happen to you tomorrow, and to the others, my dear Rector! Let us all take courage, for if what bound me to them before was being all sons of the same Father, the bond which unites us in future is that we are all destined to the same fate.
[1049]
I confess that I cannot understand all this: the serenity of my conscience, and the fact that God works in man the designs of his mercy, these two things give me the strength to bless Providence with all my heart for what is happening. Although I cannot see through the darkness of the future, I still carry on calmly and confidently without bothering about what the world might think about all this. With all my soul I thank the Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary, who have raised me up to the honour and blessing of being allowed to drink from the bitter chalice, firm in the hope that this will help towards my salvation. I wish a thousand blessings on the people who have helped to make me bear this tribulation and shall always pray for them. I venerate and respect that holy old man who has been so good to me for 23 years, and I will love him until death, although he has mercilessly cast me into perdition, and I would indeed be lost if God in his mercy had not helped me: pater meus… dereliq… Dominus autem assumsit me. Full of trust, I throw myself into the arms of God’s Providence and I am ready for anything, always fearless and full of trust no matter what may happen. Yet I will stand firm in not declaring myself out of the Institute as long as it isn’t clear to me and as long as it isn’t certain that this is the will of God.
[1050]
Study this matter carefully, my dear Rector, and always reserve for me your precious friendship. I feel a sharp pain at the thought that our beloved Superior may have suffered and will suffer greatly on my account. It is for this reason that I deemed it appropriate to send him a letter with my act of submission, which I ask you please to examine to see if it says the right thing, and, if it is well put, seal the letter and take it to the Superior. I mean please do whatever God inspires you to console the good old man to whom I have perhaps caused so much sorrow. As for the rest, fiat! fiat!
[1051]
I am extremely sorry that so far I have kept a matter which is so important for me from our beloved Bishop of Verona. I am being really ungrateful for the great goodness he has shown me. I should not conceal a matter of this kind from him. Duty and gratitude compel me to inform him of all this. But what can I do? I thought it would displease the Superior if I revealed the matter to our beloved Pastor. In any case I still want to wait for my most beloved Rector’s opinion and advice. I shall not be writing to Rome or to Mgr Canossa for the time being. Should I decide to do so, my first act of protest will be to state that I want mercy to be set aside, and that I only want justice to hold sway in this affair. Blessed be the Lord forever.
[1052]
A thousand respects to our beloved Superior and our Lord Bishop: a thousand regards and greetings to Fr Tomba, Fr Beltrame, Fr Fochesato, Fr Brighenti, Lonardoni, etc., to all the priests, clerics, students, teachers, Protestants and Hans. Give my greetings to Tregnaghi, M. P[…] etc. Ask for prayers from all, especially the Urbani ladies, to whom you should give my greetings. Above all I need prayers for two most important matters: one of which I shall have to deal with before the fortnight of Easter and the other after the Easter octave in Amiens, where I shall go with Mgr Massaia, who helps me with his authority and with his influence over that venerable Bishop, to whom Cardinal Barnabò has written that the Work for Slaves must join Comboni, so that both may achieve the aims they have set themselves with greater ease.
[1053]
Please present my whole heart to the holy old man, who has thrust me from his heart, for I will always love him until death. Tell him that he may do what he wants, but I will always call him and think of him as my father, until death. Please keep my doorman to his duty, and tell him that the Prince has great plans for him, because there is a risk that he will hand the castle over to him forever. My greetings to Fr Dalbosco and send the enclosed to Fr Luciano and Fr Beltrame. I have had a bad flu which knocked me out for the whole of March; now I am better. Blessed be the Lord and the Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary, in whose name I declare myself pour à jamais
Your most affectionate Fr Daniel